SN was a warm, friendly place but the pity is it took me three years to understand this love. When I finally got myself accustomed to the SN spirit and starting to appreciate this beautiful experience and forming lasting friendship, reality hit hard in my face – it is time to start working hard for the upcoming O Levels and making a decision that might just affect the rest of my life, not just academically, i.e. choosing a suitable JC. For the obvious reasons, I chose friendship, prestige and academic over fun and probably less stress.
It took three whole years to open my mind and just one day to threaten to close it back again – the getting back of prelim paper. Although it wasn’t as bad as getting back O level as we generally can estimate how well we did, and it does not affect us as much as the O level does. Through this prelim, it made me understand how slack I’ve been back in SN, not doing homework other than Mathematics and Sciences all day long. I’m not ashamed to say that, I went in with not so good language grade and came out having worse ones. Maths and Science had almost become my whole life, and I often see language as my tripping stone (ban jiao shi) or a hindrance, a giant chasm, which I have to cross over. This had proven itself to be true, looking at my O level result. The result which I never ever dreamt of getting and that I would be really elated to get if not for that B4 on the 1st line. I actually broke my L1R5 record and number of A1s again. Strangely, I actually did damn well for humanities. Guess I must have crapped hell lot. As you can guess, none of my languages made it to the A1 series. This whole secondary four year had been wasted just for the sake of getting a nice O level certificate which might be quite useless after A level, degree and so on. Receiving of the prelim and O level result also changed my perspective of some people. Some who got so complacent after getting back the prelim results and did not continue with the same effort in O level.
Comparing results and getting all worked up is something I totally hated. I almost fell out with a person because we were actually arguing about our results. Unintentionally, she actually hurt me by criticizing my “unbalanced” prelim result and not getting a better L1R5 than her. That’s when I got really pissed and did mugged for my humanities like I’ve never did before and I sort of neglected my Maths and Sciences (other than Biology actually). Even after all these crap, the person actually wanted to compare almost every aspect of my life with hers. It was rather like to serve as a competition between the two of us and I guess both of us come from ambitious and competitive horoscope.
Then graduation came our way. Several months of preparation all for one night of songs, dance, glitz and glamour, gourmet, anticipation, hope, optimism, love and friendship, maturity, and yet a in a way day full of nostalgia, pessimism, farewells, and goodbyes – i.e. mixed feelings. Strangely, everyone seemed caught up with the glitz and glamour of it and was snapping photos. The worst was, for our batch, practically no one cried or anything. People are just too engrossed with food. The good thing is most of my friends whom I’ve not spoken to for more than a year came up to chat with me. Well, enough said about graduation.
This conversation also reminded me of how stupid and immature I was back then. On the CO Genting Highlands, quan min was my roommate for 6 whole days. Went around the whole of Genting instead of going to the CO concert prepared for us (actually most of the CO people went out to play) I was actually stupid enough to try and run up a coming down escalator. She followed me and actually fell down when she was about to reach the top and got her knee hurt really badly. (It was like the escalator thing sunk into her flesh and blood was like flowing down her shin, yet she was oblivious of the pain and wanted to go somewhere else first, until I told her that it was bleeding badly and we need to get it clean and bandaged up immediately.) Looking at the scars on her knee, it is difficult to say that I don’t feel bad at all – i.e. till now I’m still quite guilty about it.
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